Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize