I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
