so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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