brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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