I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
