covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
