Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
