remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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