I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
