I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
