we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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