Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
