if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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