i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
