Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
