"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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