I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
