"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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