I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
