threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
