He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
