Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
