WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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