So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
