He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
