I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
