Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
