a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
