I think my fart just growled at me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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