I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
