your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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