I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
whose parrot is this?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
