I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
