you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
