I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
