i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
