Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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