why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
