God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
