she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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