On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he thought i was a dude.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
