I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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