I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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