Ambien. No doubt about it.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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