I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
