She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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