Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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