I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
