so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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