i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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