When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
