just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
