I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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