No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
