I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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