You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
