She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
