and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
