i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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