is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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