Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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