wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry my hands just texted you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
