I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
