Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is wine microwaveable?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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