i don't like sucking hair
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
