dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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