oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
