its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
