Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
