I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
