hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
