That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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