i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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