Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
