Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
