I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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