I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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