can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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