So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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