worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
