I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize