She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
