im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
