Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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