so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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