Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
