remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize