I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
