Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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