I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no, he came in my armpit
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you would pick up someone in the library
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
