I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Boobs are out for the taking
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
