I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
