If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
