im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
