Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
