I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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