A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize