you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
