Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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