i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
