We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize