Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
