Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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