my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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