do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
