it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
