he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Vodka?
Forever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
