i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
