Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
