There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
