you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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