please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't make out with my wife yet
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
