Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
