I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize